You made me promise I’d go back and study the one thing I’d been interested in for the entire time we’ve known each other. All those other passionless qualifications and unfinished degrees could get stuffed.

I did. It took me six months since you were gone to bring myself to enroll, even then I had to do a panicked late enrollment. But I did it, it took eighteen months to finish, but now it’s done. I’m qualified. Maybe not the most academic path I’ve ever started down, but I loved every second of it and I’m so glad I did it. You were right. Of course.

You had a lot of plans for the place we would open together. You made it real with words. I kind of need you here to tell me what to do next. I finished two months ago and I’ve been stalling, this is the first time I will have to take a step without your input.

The first time in my entire adult life I will make a life choice without you. Without your enthusiasm and encouragement and endless opinions. Truly.

I am so lost without you. Lost and lonely for you. I don’t know how to take a new step without you. I miss you. I love you.


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